Heinz - Tinytums

Getting involved

The moment you find out you're going to be a father will probably rank as one of the most exciting moments in your life.

It's very important for dads to take an active role in pregnancy, but many men are forgotten about once the excitement has worn off. Instead people tend to focus on the partner. But the emotional impact of pregnancy will be just as big for you as for the mother of your baby.

It's very important to talk about your emotions and to take an active role in planning during the pregnancy, It may hearten you to know that mothers and father start off more or less equally ignorant about babies and small children. Mothers do eventually learn something out of necessity and trial and error. Unless you're involved, you'll not even be that lucky.

So don't step back and allow your female relatives and friends to be more involved than you. Tell your own friends and colleagues. You may be subject to a certain amount of gentle teasing but you'll probably also be seen as more responsible and mature for wanting to discuss the baby.

Of course, there's no substitute for talking to your partner. It's the best way to understand how she's feeling and what's going on in her body.

Ask her about any discomfort and what it feels like when the baby moves - she'll appreciate your interest. Go with her to the scans so that you can see your baby develop. Talk about the fact you are going to be a father and ask as many questions as you want.

Antenatal classes especially father-only sessions, will help you learn about the birth and talk through your own concerns. It will help you to work out the best way to support your partner and enable you to be more involved in birth choices.

Get to know the other expectant fathers there - they'll probably be feeling the same as you and be glad to have someone to talk to.

How can I bond with my unborn baby?
It's never too early to start bonding with your baby. Babies can hear sounds outside the womb by the age of five or six months and if you talk to you baby he will recognise and remember your voice.

In fact, he can hear your low-pitched voice far more easily than your partner's higher-pitched tones.

• Feel your baby move by gently massaging your partner's tummy.
  
• Kiss and nuzzle your baby through your partner's skin, talking and cooing softly to him all the time.
  
• Listen to the heartbeat - a cardboard tube such as the inner tube of a toilet roll can work as a good amplifier.
  
• Discuss names (see pregnancy: get ready for it: names) for your baby together - this gives your unborn child a personality and will help you start to relate to him.

How will my partner's birth plan affect me?
You will need to discuss with your partner the type of birth she wants and decide what your involvement will be. Go through the issues raised in the birth plan with your partner but don't impose your views.

If your partner feels strongly about certain issues, for example, she wants to try for a drug-free labour respect her feelings. But insist on discussing the advantages and disadvantages.

Look forward to being present at the birth - it's probably one of the most amazing things you will ever experience.

Look forward to holding your baby in the first few seconds of life. Remember to undo your shirt so he can nuzzle into your chest and breathe in your smell. This will strengthen the future bond between father and child. Let your work know you want time off to go to the antenatal appointments as well as the birth.

Also you should remember to book time off for after the birth